


Drunk and I Miss You

by benjaminrussell



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon divergent after s03e01, Get Together, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-09-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26628310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benjaminrussell/pseuds/benjaminrussell
Summary: Buck needs to clear his head after quitting the LAFD, so he returns to bartending in South America. He misses his friends and family terribly but tells himself he needs to learn to live without them.A drunken phone call however makes him realise that maybe he's not the only one hurting...
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 202





	Drunk and I Miss You

**Author's Note:**

> Title from and inspired by Drunk & I Miss You by Mickey Guyton, Jimmie Allen.
> 
> Shout out to the 911 discord for convincing me to write this! XD
> 
> Take Buck's thoughts with a pinch of salt - the rest of the 118 clearly aren't as unbothered as he thinks!

After he lost/left his job, the last straw for Buck was when he realised that he’d gone two weeks without seeing anyone but Chris for any significant length of time. Part of him knew that it was partly his fault, given that he’d sulked in bed for a week before Eddie forced him to get up, and ignored all of the tentative enquiries from his friends about how he was doing, but that part was mostly drowned out by the hurt and loneliness and sudden lack of direction that came from no longer being a fire fighter. The realisation spurred him into deciding he needed to leave LA at least for a while if he was going to be able to move on, and the only other line of work he’d been successful at was bartending, so he hit up an old friend for a couch to stay on initially and made plans to return to Peru. He packed up his stuff, put what he couldn’t take with him in storage at Maddie’s, and booked himself on a flight to Lima.

Eddie seemed upset when Buck told him that he was leaving, but Buck was sure that was mostly because he’d have to find someone else to look after Chris. He couldn’t be enjoying spending his free time dragging his friend out of bed like a second child, after all. Buck dropped by Bobby and Athena’s two days before his flight when he knew most of the 118 would be there, so he could say goodbye all at once and not have to drag the potentially awkward conversations out any longer than necessary. His friends made a token attempt to protest (other than Eddie who’d stayed seated and didn’t look especially happy that Buck was there) but as soon as Buck told them that he had to get away in order to figure out what he wanted to do next, they accepted his explanation and wished him luck. He realised he was kind of doing the same thing that Abby did, but at least he wasn’t leaving anyone behind waiting for him.

All in all, he left LA with little fanfare and was soon back on the familiar streets of Lima. Alejandro was much happier to see him than the friends he’d left behind had seemed recently, and given how high the turnover in the hospitality sector tended to be, he was even able to get a job at the same bar he’d worked at all those years ago. He spent a couple of weeks on Alejandro’s sofa, until he found a nice little apartment that was convenient for the bar and for getting into the city centre, yet was still cheaper than his apartment in LA. He fell back into his old routine, and soon it was like he’d never even left. There was a gaping hole in his life, but he told himself that all he needed was time to adjust and to get used to not being a firefighter anymore. His friends in LA all had their own families and lives to be getting on with and were probably under less stress now Buck wasn’t there to worry about, so it was for the good of everyone that he figured out how to cope without them too. He had occasional phone calls with Maddie and Eddie, and they passed on news about the others, so that would have to be enough. That and the sporadic photos he got from Eddie of Chris playing or the two of them together.

Two months into his time in Lima, Buck found himself being dragged out for a night on the town with Alejandro and a couple of the other staff from the bar. He had a flash of regret that he wasn’t going for karaoke with his sister and their friends instead, but he shoved it back and threw himself into getting drunk and having fun. Not that he was particularly successful at the latter as it turned out.

“C’mon Buck, stop stalking your friends on social media and come dance with us!” Elena, one of Buck’s fellow bartenders, grabbed his hand and tugged him to his feet from where he’d been leaning against the bar and scrolling through Instagram on his phone.

“I’m not stalking them!” He protested, but Elena was having none of it.

“I can always tell when you are because you get this cute little frowny face, and it’s there now. So, stop moping and dance!” Okay, so maybe Buck had developed a bad habit of looking through his LA friends’ social media accounts whenever he was bored or had a lull at work, torturing himself by seeing how they were doing without him. He just hadn’t realised that his Lima friends had picked up on it, or how obvious he apparently was being about it. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and allowed Elena to pull him onto the dancefloor, following her over to where Alejandro and Sofia were dancing in a loose circle with a couple of other people.

“Nice of you to finally join us!” Alejandro teased, nudging Buck with his elbow before moving over to make space in the circle.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Buck rolled his eyes, and then desperately tried not to think about the fact that it was a habit he’d picked up from Eddie. He let himself get lost in the music, dancing along with his friends and trying not to think because that invariably led to thoughts of LA.

After a few rounds and a lot of dancing, the four of them decided to go to the late-night pizza place down the street to split a pizza seeing as they were all beginning to feel hungry. They piled into a booth and loudly debated the merits of different pizza toppings, before eventually deciding on mixed veg as everyone could/would actually eat it. While they were waiting for their food, the conversation kept flowing, talking about everything and nothing and successfully distracting Buck from dwelling on what he’d lost. They were sharing tales of the worst customers they’d each had when the pizza arrived, Sofia mid story about a man who’d started stripping in the middle of the bar. After a brief pause to thank the server, she continued while Alejandro started cutting up the pizza. He cut it in half and then went to cut it in quarters, and Buck wasn’t thinking when he interrupted both the story and the action.

“You’re doing it wrong.” Alejandro, Sofia, and Elena all turned to stare at him, Sofia trailing off from the end of her story.

“What?”

“You’re cutting in quarters, not sixths. That’s how Ed-” Buck’s brain finally caught up with his mouth and he shut it so quickly he felt his teeth clack together.

“I’m cutting it in four because there’s four of us…” Alejandro said slowly, looking at Buck as if he was crazy. Which, Buck could admit was understandable. He’d just told his friend off for cutting a pizza wrongly, just because it wasn’t the way Eddie did it. And Eddie cut it in six because it split easily between him, Buck, and Chris, which wasn’t something Buck got to have anymore because he’d left the Diazes back in LA.

“Sorry, ignore me.” Buck muttered, suddenly feeling the need to get to some fresh air. Fresh air and distance from the people he’d just made a fool of himself in front of.

“I need some air, so I’ll just be outside.” He slid out of the booth and didn’t quite run for the door, slipping outside and dropping down onto a step around the side of the restaurant. Before he knew what he was doing, he had his phone out and it was dialling, a familiar name on screen.

_Eddie Diaz_

He went to hit hang up, belatedly realising Eddie would probably be asleep or working given the late (or was it early?) hour, but before his thumb connected, Eddie’s voice came out of the speaker.

“Buck? What’s wrong?” He sounded worried and maybe a little bit tired, but not like he’d just been woken up, so Buck didn’t feel _too_ guilty.

“I’m okay. I just didn’t think about the time before ringing you.” Buck scrubbed a hand over his face, trying not to think about what it meant that he felt better just from hearing Eddie’s voice.

“Aren’t you out clubbing?”

Buck nodded, then realised Eddie couldn’t see him, and only after that it occurred to him that he hadn’t told Eddie what he was doing.

“We were, then we went to get food. But how do you know that?”

Eddie cleared his throat and then sheepishly said, “You were tagged in a photo on Instagram.” Buck wasn’t sure why Eddie would be embarrassed about that because it wasn’t like he would have been stalking Buck’s account. Only one of them in this conversation was that sad, and that was Buck himself.

“Oh, I guess Elena probably posted before we left the club.” Eddie made a noise of agreement, but didn’t say anything else for several moments, leaving both of them just listening to the other’s breathing.

“You don’t sound okay.” Eddie’s tone was tentative, as if he wasn’t sure that he should be saying anything. Buck could probably wave it off and pretend everything was fine if he wanted to, but the combination of the alcohol he’d had and the sounds of the city combining into comforting background noise made Buck feel like he was in a safe little bubble. As if anything he said now, Eddie wouldn’t judge him for and wouldn’t go any further.

“Nothing’s wrong, I just-” Buck gave a small, self-deprecating laugh, knowing how silly his complaint had been. “I told Alejandro off for cutting a pizza into four instead of six, even though there’s four of us. Because that’s not how you do it on movie nights.”

“Buck…” The obvious concern Eddie managed to fit into just one word made Buck want to cry. He managed to fight back the tears, but he couldn’t help spilling the truth about all the feelings he’d spent the past two months trying to deny.

“Fuck. I’m lonely despite having friends here. I miss Maddie and Bobby and everyone else, and I miss LA, and I miss you and Chris so much it hurts.” Buck sucked in a breath, suddenly feeling raw and exposed but also like a weight had been lifted off his chest.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to dump all that on you,” He hurriedly added, running a hand through his hair. “I’m just a bit drunk.”

“God, _Buck_.” For someone who was normally pretty quiet, and definitely didn’t talk about his feelings, Eddie managed to fit a whole lot of emotion into very few words. It was probably just the alcohol, but to Buck he sounded wrecked.

“I miss you too. I didn’t want you to leave LA, but I didn’t say anything because I knew I was being selfish, and now I’m drinking at home alone because Chris is at Abuela’s and my best friend left the country.”

“I left because I thought everyone would be better off without having to deal with me moping,” Buck admitted, wishing so badly that he could hug Eddie.

“I’ll never be better off without you!” Eddie’s reply was immediate and vehement and landed like a punch to the gut.

“Eddie…” For once Buck was at a loss for words because he’d honestly thought that he was the only one who felt their separation so badly.

“I was trying to give you space because I thought that was what you needed, but clearly I fucked up if I made you think fleeing the country was the best thing to do.”

Buck wanted to protest that Eddie had done nothing wrong, but the other man didn’t give him a chance.

“The firehouse hasn’t felt right without you the entire time you were off, but at least while you were on leave we still hung out all the time outside of work. But now you’re gone, and I don’t know what to do with myself when Chris isn’t here, and he’s miserable too because he misses his Bucky. It took you leaving the country to make me realise how I feel about you, and I’m sorry.”

Buck wasn’t sure whether Eddie was apologising for the time it took him to figure out his feelings or for the fact he had them, but he’d finally fallen quiet and even though Buck had way too many conflicting emotions rolling around in his head to think straight, he knew he had to speak.

“None of it was your fault, and you don’t need to apologise for how you feel. And if you’re saying what I think you’re saying, then I feel the same way. I went on a date a few weeks ago and all I could think about was how much I’d rather be with you.”

“Please come home.” Eddie’s voice was small, practically begging. “I know you don’t wanna be stuck doing a desk job, but I’m sure it’d only be for a little bit. And if you’d rather not go back to the LAFD, that’s fine. I’ll support you no matter what you choose. Just, come back where you belong. With me and Chris.”

Honestly, it sounded like something out of one of Buck’s daydreams, but with the stone steps digging into his back and how he felt suddenly emotionally drained yet lighter, it was so much more real. Buck wanted to go to the airport right that minute, if only it would stop his best friend sounding so defeated, but that obviously wasn’t feasible. And even when he got to LA, he didn’t have anywhere to go since he’d given up his apartment.

“I don’t have anywhere to stay.”

“Nonsense. There’ll always be a place for you here.” Eddie sounded so certain, as if there was nothing that Buck could do or say that would ever change that, and Buck realised that the small warm spark in his chest was the feeling that maybe he hadn’t fucked everything up and that everything would be okay again. As long as he and Eddie had each other’s backs, just like they were meant to.

“Come back, and we’ll figure it all out together.”

“Okay.” Buck couldn’t help grinning as he voiced his agreement, tilting his head back to look up at the sky.

“You’ll do it? You’re coming back to LA?” The surprise was evident in Eddie’s voice, and Buck was beginning to realise that maybe he’d made Eddie just as sad and lonely as Buck himself had been by moving to Lima.

“Yeah. I’ve got to sort stuff out here first, but yeah.”

“The first thing I’m going to do when you get back is kiss you.” Eddie’s words sounded like a promise, buoying Buck up even more.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Buck knew he was beaming, but there was no-one around and anyway part of him wanted to shout his happiness from the rooftops.

“Good. Now maybe you should get back to your friends and hope they haven’t eaten your pizza.” Eddie’s voice had turned teasing, before settling into what sounded to Buck like fond and content.

“I’m not working until tomorrow evening, so feel free to ring me again tomorrow for anything.”

“I will,” Buck replied, before standing up and getting ready to go back inside. He probably didn’t have much longer before his friends came looking for him anyway.

“Goodnight, Eddie. I’ll see you soon, I promise.”

“I’m looking forward to it. Night, Buck.”

Buck hung up, shoved his phone back in his pocket, and headed back into the restaurant, still grinning widely. He knew he’d face questions about why he ran out and why he was now happier than they’d ever seen him, but it barely put a dent in his mood. Eddie felt the same way that he did, and he had a promise of a kiss to look forward to as soon as he got back to LA. Sure, he still had to figure out whether he wanted to beg Bobby for his job back, but now he knew Eddie would be right there beside him, whatever he decided.

*

A week later, Buck’s flight landed at LAX. Getting through passport control and retrieving his luggage seemed to take forever, but eventually he walked through the arrivals gate to see both Eddie and Chris waiting for him, a big handmade sign held up between them which read ‘Welcome Home, Buck!”.

“Bucky!” Chris yelled in excitement, only Eddie’s hand on his shoulder holding him back.

Buck hurried the last distance towards them, and almost threw himself at them both, scooping Chris up just before Eddie pulled them both into a tight hug, the sign now dangling from one hand.

With Chris in his arms and Eddie wrapped around him, when he got his promised kiss it felt exactly like coming home.


End file.
